Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
how drunk are you?
Several
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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