Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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