oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize