i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I stole a fireplace last night.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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