I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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