meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I need to calm my uterus...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
