found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
