I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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