he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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