When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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