guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
