I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
