i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
