it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She told me I should be a condom model.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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