my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
