its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize