paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
