dude i'm inner monologue high
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
