We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
