so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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