First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
