He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
