I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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