I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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