Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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