I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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