we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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