I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
