I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize