Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
