i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Pants are for mortals
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
