True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
