I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
