Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
His hands were made for my vagina.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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