The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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