I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
