if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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