We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize