there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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