I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
