if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
