So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
