i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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