I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
