I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
