I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
