I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
