Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
