she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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