Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
