Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just pee around me
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
