Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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