She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
