Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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