I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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