I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
