i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
