Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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