I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
