i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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