fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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