Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
