I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Randomize
