I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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