I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
