Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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