508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
