You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
