thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
