PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
