Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
