So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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