i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
