all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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