i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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