I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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