I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
