sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Shame - the story of my life.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
