I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
