Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
