someone threw a dead crab at me
This house was built for laser tag.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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