I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I want her autograph on my taint
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
