She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize