My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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