Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
