It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My underwear smells like fireworks.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
