it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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