I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
