Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
