So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize