You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
