Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
