What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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