Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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