This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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