god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Randomize
