I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
