imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
