I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
