the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
