I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
