you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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