My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
