I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
