I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
