apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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