you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
