apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
