What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
