I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
