Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize