how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
