Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Randomize