you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize