i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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