so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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