It's like a parade of train wrecks.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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