I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize