1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
