I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize